I hate Sundays. Saturdays are okay. You always know that you can get up late the next day, laze around at home, may be go out with friends as and when the mood or occasion strikes, watch movies may be and what not. But Sunday? Sunday is always followed by Monday. Manic Monday. First day of the week. I know I don't make any sense. *sighs exasperatedly* Sorry.
I have been trying to make sense of my life lately. Took to blogging again and trying to look at the positive side of things. But sometimes I wonder: Am I living life or just going through it? Do I look forward to the next day or just the idea of another day gives me a "facepalm moment"? Sometimes, I feel like the latter part. Sometimes I feel plain disappointment.
Some very good friend of mine had once told me ... "Expectations lead to disappointment". If I ask myself "Why am I disappointed?" that brings up another question that is "What did I expect from life?". The second question takes me back to the days right after school got over. When it was time for college, you know, entrance exams and what not. I had to think and re-think about how I wanted to go on ... What did I want to do ... What did I want to be? My answer was simple enough: I wanted, I had always wanted to be an animator. I used to fantasize about Disney, about Pixar, about all those animes which used to be telecast on Animax. That was my world. Still is. I want to be someone who makes it possible for people to look right into what I'm thinking, just the way it is in my mind. But then, along came rational thinking. Like that dialogue in Do Dooni Char: "Degree haath mein nahi hogi toh tumhe call center ke alawa aur koi nahi poochhega". I pushed my dreams and fantasies to the back of my head, and told myself that I'll get back to making them a reality. Someday.
So when is that "someday" going to be? After a few years doing whatever an engineering grad does? May be. But what if life becomes so mundane that I hardly remember what my dream was in the first place? That is something I will not know until the time comes. There's no point wishing for a Seer. This is not Harry Potter. I wish it was. At least the portraits and photos move at Hogwarts.
I guess I'll know when is the right time and how to go about finding my dream again.
I have been trying to make sense of my life lately. Took to blogging again and trying to look at the positive side of things. But sometimes I wonder: Am I living life or just going through it? Do I look forward to the next day or just the idea of another day gives me a "facepalm moment"? Sometimes, I feel like the latter part. Sometimes I feel plain disappointment.
Some very good friend of mine had once told me ... "Expectations lead to disappointment". If I ask myself "Why am I disappointed?" that brings up another question that is "What did I expect from life?". The second question takes me back to the days right after school got over. When it was time for college, you know, entrance exams and what not. I had to think and re-think about how I wanted to go on ... What did I want to do ... What did I want to be? My answer was simple enough: I wanted, I had always wanted to be an animator. I used to fantasize about Disney, about Pixar, about all those animes which used to be telecast on Animax. That was my world. Still is. I want to be someone who makes it possible for people to look right into what I'm thinking, just the way it is in my mind. But then, along came rational thinking. Like that dialogue in Do Dooni Char: "Degree haath mein nahi hogi toh tumhe call center ke alawa aur koi nahi poochhega". I pushed my dreams and fantasies to the back of my head, and told myself that I'll get back to making them a reality. Someday.
So when is that "someday" going to be? After a few years doing whatever an engineering grad does? May be. But what if life becomes so mundane that I hardly remember what my dream was in the first place? That is something I will not know until the time comes. There's no point wishing for a Seer. This is not Harry Potter. I wish it was. At least the portraits and photos move at Hogwarts.
I guess I'll know when is the right time and how to go about finding my dream again.
